I can't learn patience, so Life, please stop the lessons

I called Oceaneering today, the woman wasn't there, I left a message... guess I wont know until tomorrow where I"m going and when.

I want to go, want to go NOW! I need to keep my brain busy with new skills so it wont have time to think about him and wonder endlessly about why I fucked up so bad... why I couldn't be more patient and get on the taxi* at the right time instead of forcing things and screwing them up... I wrecked it...

So come on Ms Smart (yes it's her name) call me! tell me I'm going to ocean land next week! My serotonin levels are down the drain, right next to my hope of a happy ending...

*click on link for explanation